Just a newly-wed thought
People say when you get married you discover new sides of each other (or yourself) that you may not like.
In my case, that's being bossy and demanding. I always knew I was bossy--I'm a big sister. Plus, I think I know everything sometimes. But was I always so demanding that I disregarded my manners and disrespected people? My sister would probably say yes (because I have hurt her feelings many times), but I know the truth is that I'm only like that when I let my situation and my fleshly nature take over my attitude. I know who I am in Christ, and I know who I was to Connor before we got married, and it's not a bossy, demanding, unfeeling person. God says I am a new creation. One full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. One who doesn't selfishly demand my own way.
So my thought/question is... Have I discovered a "side" of myself that I don't like, but that I must accept and expect to come out in certain situations? OR have I just let the situation of being in a new setting, where I am sometimes stressed by things I need to do, or by my house not always being as clean as I want it, or where I see Connor's imperfections more closely than before... Have I just let that determine the way I think and the way I treat him? Have I used my new setting (marriage) to justify new "manners"?
I think the answer is the latter. I realized in a moment when I wanted to demand my own way that this did not feel like me. This selfish mindset and attitude I was carrying was uncomfortable, brought anxiety to my spirit, and made me feel like a failure and a fake. And that's because it isn't the real me. The Enemy wants me to fall into a critical, demanding mindset and believe that is who I am! But the fact that I'm uncomfortable acting that way proves it is not the real, changed, redeemed me that I became when I asked Jesus to be my Savior... And I really don't want to go through marriage or life being anyone but my true self!
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
In my case, that's being bossy and demanding. I always knew I was bossy--I'm a big sister. Plus, I think I know everything sometimes. But was I always so demanding that I disregarded my manners and disrespected people? My sister would probably say yes (because I have hurt her feelings many times), but I know the truth is that I'm only like that when I let my situation and my fleshly nature take over my attitude. I know who I am in Christ, and I know who I was to Connor before we got married, and it's not a bossy, demanding, unfeeling person. God says I am a new creation. One full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. One who doesn't selfishly demand my own way.
So my thought/question is... Have I discovered a "side" of myself that I don't like, but that I must accept and expect to come out in certain situations? OR have I just let the situation of being in a new setting, where I am sometimes stressed by things I need to do, or by my house not always being as clean as I want it, or where I see Connor's imperfections more closely than before... Have I just let that determine the way I think and the way I treat him? Have I used my new setting (marriage) to justify new "manners"?
I think the answer is the latter. I realized in a moment when I wanted to demand my own way that this did not feel like me. This selfish mindset and attitude I was carrying was uncomfortable, brought anxiety to my spirit, and made me feel like a failure and a fake. And that's because it isn't the real me. The Enemy wants me to fall into a critical, demanding mindset and believe that is who I am! But the fact that I'm uncomfortable acting that way proves it is not the real, changed, redeemed me that I became when I asked Jesus to be my Savior... And I really don't want to go through marriage or life being anyone but my true self!
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore... let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.