A Depressing Scripture That Made Me Happy

Hi everyone, 

I'm sorry I haven't written in a while. I've attempted several times, but I just can't seem to get my thoughts together. I guess part of it is fear that whatever I write won't be complete or good enough, but I've decided not to let that stop me anymore.

So I just wanted to share a scripture that spoke to my heart this week:

Proverbs 14:10 says, "Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy." (New Living Translation)

In a way, this is kind of depressing... No one will ever be able to fully share my feelings... But when I read this, I was so comforted and freed by it! 

There have been many times in my life when I have suppressed my feelings or kept them to myself, because I was afraid to feel them alone. Don't you hate being the only one crying during a movie? It's kind of embarrassing, right? Everybody looks at you and they're like, "Are yoooouuu cryyyyinnnngg?" Ugh... 

On the flip side, there are times when I get so overjoyed by something or I'm so super passionate about something that I just wanna talk about it all day and jump up and down every once in a while. The inside of me goes all Fraulein Maria:

But instead I act so passive about it. I don't want to be the only one. I don't want to draw attention to myself. If only someone else was showing emotion about this I would too. These are all thoughts that go through my head. 

I also fear expressing my thoughts sometimes for fear that I won't be able to express them correctly. I don't want people to misunderstand what I'm thinking or feeling or not be on the same page as me because I can't find the words to adequately communicate my thoughts. That's something I love about God... I can say absolutely nothing and He already knows exactly what I think about something. In fact, I think He understands my thoughts better than I do. 

So why was this verse so "freeing", as I said before? Well, I guess just realized that no one will ever be completely on the same page as me no matter what, so suppressing my feelings/passions/thoughts for fear that I'll be alone is pointless. The only one who will ever completely "get" me is Jesus. So what if I'm the only one crying about something? So what if I have to be the first to step out in passionate pursuit of something? Or stand alone in passionate pursuit? I actually really admire people who aren't afraid to feel, even when they stand completely alone.

On another note, I thought you guys would enjoy this new Bethel song. I've been listening to it over and over. 

Love, 

Kristian